


i want to talk tonight

by givebackmylifecas



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Barisi Art Challenge, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I ship Sonny with therapy and so does Rafael, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28965591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givebackmylifecas/pseuds/givebackmylifecas
Summary: Sonny turns, face flushed. “It’s just, this fucking judge, he –” Words fail him and he lets out a yell of rage, punching the wall. He grunts in pain when his knuckles connect with the exposed brick and he swears loudly.Sonny moves towards him and against his own will, Rafael flinches. Almost immediately all the anger drains from Sonny’s face.sort of related to 22x06 but mostly i just wanted to deal with the anger issues Sonny has suddenly developed
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82
Collections: Barisi Art Challenge 1





	i want to talk tonight

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the lovely drawing of these two in the barisi fiction archive art challenge!
> 
> TWs: sonny's terrible coping mechanism of punching walls, implied child abuse from rafael's father in the past, discussion of therapy, canon-typical references to sexual assault, swearing

Rafael has already been home for a while when Sonny storms into the apartment, slamming the front door behind him. Putting down his glass of wine, Rafael goes to meet him in the hallway. Sonny’s face is creased into an unhappy – and frankly pissed off – frown and he hangs up his coat so aggressively he nearly rips a hole in the sleeve with the hanger.

“Sonny, mi amor, what’s wrong?” Rafael asks bluntly.

Sonny shakes his head, whole body tense. “Nothing. How was your day?”

He leans in to peck Rafael on the mouth, then continues into the living room. Rafael follows him, arms crossed over his chest, eyebrow raised.

“My day was fine, now how about we pretend you didn’t just lie to my face and I’ll ask you again. What’s wrong?”

Sonny turns, face flushed. “It’s just, this fucking judge, he –” Words fail him and he lets out a yell of rage, punching the wall. He grunts in pain when his knuckles connect with the exposed brick and he swears loudly.

Sonny moves towards him and against his own will, Rafael flinches. Almost immediately all the anger drains from Sonny’s face.

“Fuck, Rafi – I’m sorry,” he starts and Rafael waves him off.

“It’s fine, I’m fine, it’s just… instinct. Force of habit maybe.”

“No,” Sonny shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to feel like that around me, I’m sorry.”

Rafael shrugs, ignoring the burning flush of embarrassment in his cheeks. “It’s okay, Sonny. Like I said, just a leftover reflex from my father.”

“It’s not okay, baby,” Sonny says. “I’m so sorry. You have to know I would never –”

Rafael catches Sonny’s wildly flailing hands in his. “Sonny, I know. If I thought you were ever going to hurt me, I wouldn’t be here, okay?”

Sonny nods earnestly, but his eyes are still wide and worried. Rafael pulls him towards him, wrapping his arms around Sonny’s narrow waist and letting his partner hunch over and bury his face in his neck.

“Sonny,” Rafael says into Sonny’s hair. “You’ve been miserable for days. Tell me what’s going on.”

He feels Sonny nod against his shoulder. “I will,” he says, voice muffled by Rafael’s shirt. “I’m just gonna go get some ice for my hand.”

“Sit down,” Rafael orders, pulling away. “I’ll get you some ice. By the way, I just want it on the record that I think punching walls is incredibly stupid.”

Sonny’s sniffs and cracks half a smile. “Well, I’ll allow it.”

Rafael rolls his eyes and pushes Sonny towards the sofa, heading into the kitchen to find an icepack. When he returns, Sonny is on the sofa, long limbs curled in on themselves, his sore hand cradled to his chest. His head is tipped back, eyes shut, though they flutter open when he hears Rafael approaching.

“Here,” Rafael says, offering him the towel-wrapped icepack.

“Thanks, Rafi,” Sonny says, taking it gratefully and pressing it to his hand.

Rafael takes the seat next to him, tucking his feet up under him. “Anything broken? Are we going to have to go to the ER?”

“Nah.”

“Sure?”

Sonny nods. “Yeah, baby, it’s fine. Just bruised. I’m a dumbass.”

Rafael snorts. “Yeah. Thank goodness you’re pretty, huh?”

“You’re pretty,” Sonny mumbles, flushed to the roots of his hair.

“Great comeback,” Rafael says sarcastically and Sonny huffs an attempt at a laugh.

“Shut up.”

“Now, when have I ever been known to do that?” Rafael asks, then he takes Sonny’s uninjured hand. “You gonna stop distracting me and tell me what happened?”

Sonny sighs. “Fuck.”

“That bad?”

“Well, I did punch a wall, so pretty bad, yeah.”

Rafael squeezes Sonny’s hand. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Sonny shoots him a nervous smile. “I do. So, there’s this judge… Judge Gallagher.”

Rafael listens as the whole tale comes tumbling out of Sonny: the judge dismissing their case, discovering that he’s also a perpetrator of sexual assault, the way he refused to take responsibility and just responded with threats of his own.

“The way he spoke to me, Rafi… It just made me so angry. People used to talk down to me when I was a cop, yeah, but most respected the badge – and I could usually do something about it. I don’t know what to do about this. I nearly punched Gallagher earlier,” Sonny confesses.

Rafael slides closer so he can wrap an arm around Sonny. “It’s hard, soleado. Being an ADA… it’s politics and it’s dirty and mean in a way you’ve never been. But you need to handle it better. You would have been disbarred, if you’d punched him. Everything you’ve ever wanted would have been thrown away over one asshole.”

“I know,” Sonny sighs. “Lately, it seems like I’m always this close to snapping. I never felt this way before and I don’t like it. I don’t like who I’m becoming, Rafi.”

He sounds dangerously close to tears, but they agreed a long time ago to always be honest with each other, so Rafael doesn’t give in to his urge to purely comfort his partner yet.

“I’d be lying, if I said I haven’t seen you changing,” Rafael says and Sonny tenses in his arms. “You seem unhappy all the time, mi amor. That’s no way to live.”

“It isn’t. But I don’t know what to do about it.”

“You could quit,” Rafael says bluntly. “No one would think badly of you. You’ve put in your time, you could go corporate if you want.”

“No,” Sonny shakes his head. “No, this is what I want to do.”

Rafael hides his proud smile, preparing himself to broach a more serious topic. “Then you’re going to have to learn to deal with all the stress and the assholes in a better, more healthy way.”

“How?” Sonny asks, genuinely confused.

“You could try therapy,” Rafael suggests. “It really helped me after I left the DA’s office,” he adds when Sonny doesn’t respond.

Eventually, Sonny nods. “Yeah,” he says slowly. “Maybe you’re right. I mean, Liv goes.”

“She does,” Rafael says. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Frankly, you should’ve gone when you were still on the force.”

Sonny is quiet for a moment, then groans, tugging at Rafael until he falls sideway into Sonny’s lap. Rafael wriggles until he’s positioned more comfortably, head pillowed on Sonny’s thighs, legs stretched out over the rest of the sofa.

Sonny leans forward, stroking a hand over Rafael’s face. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“You must hate me all the time then,” Rafael responds with a smirk.

Instead of rolling his eyes and replying with something sarcastic like he’d expected, Sonny’s expression softens, his uninjured hand cupping Rafael’s face.

“Nah, I’d love you even if I hated you.”

Rafael reaches up to trace the curve of Sonny’s smile. “Cheesy,” he teases without any real bite behind the comment.

Sonny’s smile widens, flashing his dimples. “Still true though. Thank you, Rafi, for listening and everything.”

“It’s what I’m here for.”

“Still,” Sonny insists. “Thank you. And uh, about earlier, with the wall –”

“It’s already forgotten,” Rafael interrupts. “I promise. You had a moment where you reacted badly. You didn’t mean me any harm, you’re not going to do it again because you know how stupid it was, and now you’re going to get help.”

“I am,” Sonny agrees.

“Good,” Rafael says firmly. “Now, how about you order food and I read you the dumbest things my students said in their midterms. I highlighted the worst ones.”

Sonny snorts. “You’re such a harsh grader, baby. I’m glad you were never my professor.”

“Please, you would have killed to have me as your professor,” Rafael declares confidently.

“True,” Sonny relents, leaning down to kiss him. “Love you.”

“I love you too, Sonny,” Rafael responds without hesitation. “Now and always. Just stop punching walls or I’ll be forced to leave you for someone without bruised hands.”

“You’d never!”

“Oh, I would,” Rafael says and Sonny laughs, finally looking more like himself.

Rafael smiles up at him and decides that he’s going to do whatever it takes for him to stay that happy.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked this! kudos and comments sustain me. feel free to yell at me on on tumblr ([@hefellfordean](https://hefellfordean.tumblr.com)) or twitter ([@angstypalermo](https://twitter.com/angstypalermo))


End file.
